Trigger Warning: The content may not be suitable for children or those with a fragile psyche
Drinking In Rooms
The first room I drank in was in 2005 during the summer, but it could have been the day I was born. I had run away from home on a greyhound bus and was fifteen and I was terrified of my parents' love.
The room was in Eastern Washington and it was cheap because there was a skeleton living in it. The skeleton had been very alone, he had been so alone that when he died he forgot to stop moving and lie still and not talk about anything ever again. So, he just sat in the room, and stared out the window, and that's why I could afford it since I was fifteen and had almost no money at all.
I got a bottle at the liquor store and brought it to my room and began to drink and the skeleton just looked out the window and didn't say anything.
I got very drunk and asked the skeleton if he wanted a glass, and the skeleton looked at me for a moment then put his head in his hands and began to cry.
He had no eyes because he was a skeleton, so he didn’t cry real tears just imaginary tears, and they flowed invisible from his sockets and pooled on the hardwood floor below. I stayed there for a week and then got on a bus and went home.
When my parents saw me, they hugged me and told me it was alright, and that they weren't angry, that they had only been worried, that they didn't know what I had been going through, that I should see a therapist and talk to them about all the secret things going on with me so I could be honest, so that whatever hurt inside me would go away.
After that, I hated them even more.
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The second room I drank in was the same year and it was a park outside near a playfield made of fake grass and there were people playing soccer nearby. The people had jerseys on with numbers and socks that went up to their knees and shoes made for playing soccer and they all looked very happy.
I had a bottle of vodka which I had stolen from my parents closet and my plan was to drink it, but there were so many people around, and I could see all their faces, and I couldn't take a drink.
I pretended that there was a room around me, and the room was a faded brown, and it had four walls and a ceiling, and there were no windows.
Inside the room I couldn't see anyone and I was alone and taking the drink became very easy.
After I finished the bottle I went home and my parents didn't notice since they were arguing about something useless, and I went into my bedroom, and it was as if I had never existed.
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The third room I drank in was my father’s car and I drove it to national parks and slept there. It was a great feeling, sleeping in national parks. No one knew where I was and if I died there my body would be lost and no one would find it until it had become a skeleton, or a bear had eaten it and my bones were found scattered in its stool.
In my father’s car I looked at the stars and the darkness and everything seemed so far away I could almost not remember it.
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I wait for my girlfriend outside Rusty's diner for her to finish her shift so I can pick her up and we can go to the water and look at all those blinking lights and cars. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I am sad because I know she will leave me soon and I will never love anyone again, and I will think about her while I lay in bed and she will have forgotten my name.
Her nails will be painted green and she will sit in my car and she will tell me about her day and her eyes will be tired and closing and we will go to the water and drink whiskey.
But as we drive I won't be able to look at her, and the water will be empty and I won't find anything as I stare at it.
I wait for her in the car, with the radio on.
She is already fifteen minutes late.
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I remember one night when I predicted the future.
We were watching a basketball game. I think it was The Lakers versus The Pistons. I was watching the game and an intuition came over me and I knew I had seen this game before. I said to my friend, “The Lakers are going to beat The Pistons 107 to 98."
And we watched the game and what I had foretold came to pass, The Lakers beat The Pistons 107 to 98, and I said, “See I predicted the future, I knew what would happen before it did.'"
And my friend said, "That game happened five years ago."
“Oh,” I said.
And turned off the TV.
END
